I decide today I will go out and eat a fish.

If only I’d known. Eating fish is a political act.

The food cops want me to eat fish, they allege omega 3 in fish will prevent a heart attack. So I start looking for a fine fish place.

But before I can make a reservation, I learn that not only is the great blue fin tuna laced with mercury but all fish has some degree of mercury in them.

As I’m not pregnant nor decrepit, the mercury may not have much effect and in any case I think tuna’s the Wagyu of the oceans, a pink gelatinous lump.

But now the Harvard School of Public Health, the top cop, says I must eat even mercury-laced fish otherwise I might have a heart attack.

Ok now to find a fish I want to eat. Escolar! It’s described as the foie gras of the sea, rich and buttery. I ignore its mercury content, but oh oh, Escolar has …. er…gastro-intestinal issues, and is banned from polite dining – for a rather too detailed back story on a recent case of Escolaritis go to Radaronline.com. My fish sage, Rick at Mike’s in the St. Lawrence Market says customers love the fish but he doesn’t sell it because of the occasional bad reaction. It is safer to eat small amounts which is why I see it on sushi menus disguised as Butter Fish or White Tuna aka Albacore.

What’s this? Here am I worrying about Omega 3 and mercury and Escolaritis but I don’t know what fish is which fish any more, Actually I’ve never known because anyone can name a fish, and everyone does. You buy Boston Blue Fish and you’re getting Scrod, buy Haddock and you’re getting Pollock.There are 26 fish called sea bass.

I don’t want to personally eat the last of a species so I log on to Toronto’s Endangered Fish Alliance which lists the status of endangered fish. Chilean Sea Bass, actually Patagonian Tooth Fish, Orange Roughy, actually Slime, usual suspects but Whoa! I don’t believe scallops and halibut are endangered! I forgot to check the advocacy group’s political leanings. Blue Ocean isn’t so extremist and it offers a link so I can text for uptodate information when confronted by a doubtful fish at the counter or in a restaurant.
Next worry: should I eat fish at all? It’s certainly not fresh or local. Flying fish all over the world is tearing a vast hole in the ozone over the North Pole. News flash: the food miles fallacy has imploded - it’s now how you grow food that wipes out polar bears.
It’s even difficult selecting a fish place. The oysters in an oyster bar may be grand but the buzz is ruggerscrum noisy. A couple of years ago, I was traumatized by the décor of CFood, a most amusing fish shack where a very angry Siamese fighting fish in a vase watched me down a chunk of yellow fin tuna with murder in his eyes.
I finally select Zee Grill, the longest running seafood place in the city. Any place kept going by word of mouth must be good. I love its website which gives a list of local fish suppliers, and I am reassured by the appearance of the chef and co-owner Jac Eckhardt – he looks calm. If I’m tuckered out trying to be green for a single night what must it be like for the chef?. Who knows what might happen if ecowarriers hear he’s hustling monkfish?
It’s more difficult to enlist an enthusiastic fish eater to come with me. First thing the unregenerate carnivore says is “Do I have to eat fish? I see they have steak frites. “
Luckily Zee Grill is full of negative ions. I feel better the moment I enter this friendly unpretentious local place, comfortingly dark with cozy lighting. While it’s crowded the service is prompt and soon we’re sampling a simple, cleantasting clam and corn chowder and Sicilian style grilled calamari with tomato salsa and cape gooseberries which has the tender melting consistency of an old worn Michelin.

Around me, everyone seems to be eating shellfish, delectable looking mini lobster sandwiches which come with witlof – the proper name for Belgian endive. Diver scallops come with mushroom-turnip ravioli, sunchoke, puree and caviar. Like the sound of both. But I’ve committed us to oceangoing fish because they have more omega 3 in them.
Now this is interesting: oceangoing fish may be better for us but obviously the public prefer shellfish because there are only three kinds of fish on offer (other restaurants incidentally also have short fish menus although fish markets sell a variety of fish).

We skip ahi tuna (yellow fin to you) as too Hawaii.Instead the carnivore goes for a very fancy fish and chips, panko-crusted halibut with fries and remoulade sauce with only a single blip “What is panko?” until he tastes the crunchy Japanese breadcrumbs. He cleans his plate with a big smile. Fish isn’t so bad after all and think of the omega 3s coursing through his arteries. The poached wild striped seabass is a classic, irreproachable with a dab of shitake Dijon-lemon sauce and al dente beans and carrots.I swear I feel thinner as I eat it. I can see the food cops smiling with approval. So I can now spoil myself with crème caramel, a dessert I wish I saw more often.
**1/2Zee Grill & Oyster Bar 641 Mt Pleasant Rd (416) 484-6428 no Wheelchair. Noise: good to moderate. Dinner for two: food plus tax $110