From Modern Manners, the Times of London...

What is the most irritating behaviour by waiters in a restaurant? Oliver Bennett, Oxford

Over-effusiveness. Reading out the grossly poetic menu when you have it before you as though you cannot read for yourself. Repeatedly filling your glass before it is empty, and without being asked. Repeated injunctions to "Enjoy your meal." The appropriate response is: "I shall do exactly as I want with my meal, thank you." But I am too polite to say this. Bringing your food late, and at different times for different people at your table. Muzak. Pretending not to notice when you signal to them. Hustling you to clear the table. Wearing labels with their first names. But the irritating behaviour of diners in a restaurant is worse, from mobile phones to noisy and show-off complaints. Let us resolve to go to a better class of restaurant.

Britain's Evening Standard reports.....


Santa has been told he must slim down, or face eviction from shopping centres at Christmas

Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas - because the obese saint is failing to set a "good example" for children.


The traditional children's hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.

But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders - to the nearest gym - to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.
...

Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, Kent, has even gone one step further and set-up a Santa boot camp.
Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said: "Santa has been around for years, but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.

"He will still be the same lovable jolly man, but will be fitter and healthier."

Despite Santa burning 600 calories an hour from delivering presents, the problem lies in the tasty mince pies left as a treat.

If he ate every single mince pie left for him by eager children in the UK he would gain an astonishing 721,000 lbs.

THIS MUST BE A NEWLY DISCOVERED MONTY PYTHON SKIT